I have been absolutely paralyzed by my increasing pain level. If I have to go see another “pain” specialist I’m going to scream my bloody guts out. I just got a text from a colleague who is a nurse. She suggested I change my medication regime. She’s on vacation right now. Sitting on the beach some place.
I’m not unusual. I deal with degrees of severe pain 100% of the day and night from combination of back pain, arthritis and fibromyalgia. Most of us who face this challenge have tried nearly every combination of meds usually used for auto-immune disease pain combined with severe arthritis or some other inflammatory or degenerative disease. Doctors say it’s the number one complaint they hear. It’s complicated and patients as well as docs are concerned about addiction.
As a person in recovery for nearly 30 years, I refuse to get myself in a position of having to depend on a drug to live. I fought too hard to be free and I cherish my freedom. For that reason I have to be the nightmare patient when it comes to pain control. I’ve had so many “come to Jesus” talks from clinicians about taking pain medication before the pain gets out of control.
Substance P, which is the neurochemical that prompts the feeling of pain in the body can develop a life of its own. From the about.com website, Substance P is responsible for the bodily interpretation of pain. It is a neurotransmitter communicating with other cells in the brain, spinal cord and, in some inflammatory processes, in joints. It’s best known to activate in low back pain, fibromyalgia, and arthritis. Bingo! Got it. Got it all. Substance P must be having a regular hay day in my body.
But that is neither here nor there. I’m not writing this for someone to feel sorry for me and not even to relate to me because of their pain. There are thousands of us in pain all the time. Have you looked around lately? Have you noticed the increase in number of handicapped parking places? Have you paid attention to the number of people using canes and walkers? There is a heckuva lot of us out there and it does absolutely no good whatsoever to feel sorry for ourselves.
As a matter of fact, it makes things much worse. Because when you spend valuable time and brain energy feeling sorry for yourself, you cannot solve the immediate problems that are facing you at the time… like how to get the rockery mulched before winter, or how to get your bedspread washed when it won’t fit in your new washer/dryer.
So, here it is. I know I cannot hike any more. I can’t bike any more. I can’t even walk any more. The only exercise I get is picking up things I’ve dropped – and due to my arthritis I get more than my share of opportunity. And even that is neither here nor there.
I can still think, and talk, and write and that is absolutely here and there in a big way. So, this morning, after getting the text from my vacationing friend, I thought, ‘I’m getting depressed and starting to feel sorry for myself.” What I need to do is to go someplace and sit somewhere different.